did i lose the will to fight? monday comes like tuesday...

my birthday is in a week. hoorah for new years, hooray for new chapters.

i'm working on a list of 20 before 20 for this upcoming year... i'll post it after my birthday... it's my little way of trying to make my life ... more. so that in a year i won't have to look back and calculate up what my year meant in terms of days and weeks and numbers, so that maybe i'll have tangible beauty to show, something lovely to define my days instead of just numbers.

a blue soul breaking in upon my pictures

"Will God or someone else give me the strength to breathe the breath of prayer and mourning into my paintings, the breath of prayer for redemption and resurrection?"

-Marc Chagall

This weekend I drove down to Baylor for the "Sacred Texts, Holy Images: Chagall and Roualt" exhibit. While walking through the exhibit I kept thinking about the creative process and how Chagall chose how to represent the concepts of the Bible... how he didn't just show what was literally happening in that moment in the Bible, he saw that there was more happening, and he found a beautiful way to convey the magic of the inexpressable. Chagall saw that there was so much more happening in the world than that which we can see - informed by his belief in Judaism, a religion of mystery and unknowingness and the possibility that the magic shroud veiling the Divine hides a presence greater than can fit in the everyday - and he found a way to paint that, which... augh... that's exactly why I'm doing all of this... if he can express the inexpressable, visually, and show exactly what was in his heart, then I ...have to... because it's possible... if that makes any sense. The image above is titled "promise to jerusalem"... it is about God always being present in our lives, as a mysterious something that is tangibly there but whose presence is still shrouded from us. This image and the one below have stuck in my mind and I can't get them out..

This one is of the moment of creation. It is impossible as an artist to disconnect yourself from the concept of artist and art as creator and creature, and this work says so much about how Chagall viewed himself in relation to his works. See how the creator and creature act as one figure on the page... they are entwined within eachother, each carrying a piece of the other in a sense. Chagall's art is so thoroughly full of him, it cannot escape being a part of him. and that is fantastically inspiring... makes me want to take my art classes even more seriously and really work to figure out my artistic identity.

"Life exists for the love of music or beautiful things."

-G.K.Chesterton

all this beauty, you might have to close your eyes

the best thing of the whole wide world happened last night

the weepies at lakewood theatre!

love love love love love

our "this is real, people, this is real!" faces

i may have sat there beaming with huge wide open eyes the whole time staring at the wonderfullness and just-what-i-want-to-be-ness that is deb talan.

oh my oh my its very odd when i listen to her older stuff (maybe obsessively every day maybe possibly) and she uses the same exact imagery that gets stuck in my brain and won't leave and finds its way into my drawings...very odd. like looking in a mirror that makes you cooler than you really are.

anyway! concert full of adorableness and amazing music and cute baby stories! yeep! i think i may have reached the pinnacle of possible happiness last night!

300 days of beatrice

this is heart of flame's
300th post.

anyway, i thought that was kind of cool.
i sure have said a lot of stuff.

oh by the way, i retract my last post. no. i amend it. registration IS confusing and awful, but it is made much better if you have an awesome advisor that tells you to email her the classes you want and she'll put you in them. whabam! WIN!

yarrgggggggggg

oh good grief.

class
enrollment
is
the
worst
ever.

it's confusing and awful.

YAAARRGGG!

it wouldn't be make believe

dress up party in the garage with mackenna and hayden!
dan and caitlin's old couch was stationed in the garage over the weekend, so of course that's where we hung out. cause we aren't whitetrash. at all.

yes that is a tissue paper bunny tail

yes those are my pajama pants under my costume.

yes i painted hayden's face with chalk to turn him into an oompah-loompah!!!!!

while we can hold on to someone, we know life won't let us go

love and love and love and love and love and love and love

congratulations to


andrew + stephanie!!

i love engagements! especially this one! no... all of them... no, this one!!

andrew is one of the best ones of the world... and that's all there is to it. it has been such a joy seeing him find the one to fill his crazy awesome heart. its still insane that its happening, i'm just a fringe observer/person-inordinately-obsessed-with-other-peoples-relationship-adorableness so i can't imagine how much it must be insane for the ones legitimately involved in this relationship!

(by the way, stephanie reminds me more of an elfin princess than anyone ever in the world... she's so ethereal and darling good grief the world is going to explode)

HAPPY WEDDING MARRIAGE LOVE DAYS!!!!!!

from station to station

woke up this morning in a very bowie/80's/the smiths mood... which of course means that mixed denims, big hair, and a leather jacket were completely necessary.

my best attempts at the hair band look (as best i could portray from webcam-in-classroom):

sometimes i think i should give into the many signs telling me that i was meant to live in the 80's.

1) my hair obviously WANTS to be in the 80's
2) my adoration of all things molly ringwald/john hughes/brat pack
3) 80's british awesomeness that is all
4) hello, the smiths
5) legit arcade games (original pac-man, please and thank you)
6) the fact that the science of 80's sci-fi movies always makes total sense to me and never seems ridiculous in the slightest.
7) the karate kid!!
8) slap bracelets, off-the-shoulder-chunky-sweaters, wayfarers, nerd glasses, legwarmers, keds
9) moonwalk!!

ah oh well. there were bad things too i guess.
like drugs. and ...the cold war.

fine i won't rent marty's delorean and go back in time and form a cool garage band. bluh.