would you like to know a secret?

... i have kind of a crazy far-reaching insane person dream job.

firstly... my major is arts and performance, with an emphasis on visual art and a potential minor in arts in tech/animation.

(how i wish i could have multiple minors and pursue that drama/dance minor also... blah! maybe i'll double-major after all. don't you love my typical freshman indecisiveness?)

someday i hope to write children's books

i've thought about looking into animation as a career, also

not so much the digital side of it, as the aesthetic co-ordination side of it.

and the perfect oh so perfect wishicouldhaveit job for me...

working as a aesthetic team member at pixar.

ooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh... it pains me to know that such a perfect wonderful job in such a wonderful place exists. it's like that job is a celebrity, and i can't even talk to it it's so much fancier than me.

and the thing is... they offer paid internships.

hmm. san francisco? =/

We've Got Something Permanent

"The more I read the papers, the less I comprehend the world and all
it's capers and how it all will end"

My birthday is coming up in a few days ... and suddenly I feel old. I'm not really that old. There's so much ahead of me, I know. But when I think about how much is behind me, I am amazed.

Think of how much can happen in a lifetime.

I remember when Friends premiered.

I remember when this was a nice phone. -->

I remember when Prince was "the artist formerly known as Prince" (dummy)

If I was a computer, I would be "retro" and I wouldn't work anymore.

When did this happen?

I was thinking about it all last night. If in the first few decades of my life things can change this much, what will the world be like when I am 30... 50... 80? Will every change be scary?

But really ... what do we have to fear? In every change I feel God, because He is unchanging. And isn't that comforting? To know that in ten years God will be the same.

Think about it. Exactly the same. We change so much every year, so can we even fully comprehend the idea of never changing?

Did you ever hear the story about the blind men and the elephant? Three blind men are given an elephant, and instructed to figure out what it is. They touch the unfamiliar shapes and because they each touch only one part of the elephant they cannot comprehend what it is.

As I think ahead, feeling my way blindly through the future, I cannot know what it is I will find there... except for God, His truth, His love, there in that unknown.

Finding Him in the dark unknown is like handing a teacup to one of the blind men - familiar, comforting. Something we know in the midst of all we do not know.

"In time the Rockies may crumble, Gibraltar may
tumble... they're only made of clay, but... oh, our Love is here to
stay."

Etsy

I've been thinking of starting an Etsy shop, because I've become rather crafty of late. Unfortunately I haven't time to spare at the moment, but this is something I'm longing to do. Perhaps over Christmas break.

So many things are being pushed onto the "perhaps over Christmas break" list recently that I'm beginning to wonder if perhaps I'll be busier over Christmas break than I am during school.

If I did open an Etsy shop, I'd be selling things like headbands, curtains, throw pillow slipcovers, my monster dolls (they're really quite friendly and personable), and I've recently designed some rather delightful mobiles. I've got other ideas, but those are the ones I'm confident of right now.

Problems with this idea:
1. No time.
2. Whenever I create something I become so attached to it that I can't let it go. Because of this, things are looking frightful on the whole motherhood front.

7 items

item 1: to see some incredible art, go here. so beautiful. how i would love to be the one coming up with these wonderful ideas and being behind the camera creating such uniquely beautiful art.

item 2: i know i've been neglecting this blog of late... just so much life happening, so much to do! i'm rather swamped right now under a literal mountain (and no, i'm not using that phrase hypothetically like dr. George does, it is actually a mountain. on my desk. making that room look horrifying all the time.) of books, all amazing, all brilliant, all a rare glimpse into a peculiar, brilliant mind, making it maddening to be so speedy going through them.

item 3: right now i've one of those terrible behind-the-eyes headaches that feels like someone dipped a carrot in wasabi and rubbing alcohol, lit it on fire, and punched you in the face with it. yeow!

item 4: already formulating my plans for the distant-future christmas break from school... they involve many cups of tea

filling boxes with sketches of all the gnomes and dancing

mushrooms and sparrows and ill-mannered oaks and possums that

want to spill out of my head all day long but never get a chance

making headway on my woodland-creature quilt (i'll post fabric pictures soon, promise!)

yuletide cupcakes

turning 18 and becoming an adult overnight (look, a christmas miracle! ;)

item 5: last night i dreamed it was my first day of college, and i had an amazing outfit, and for some strange reason sally field was my philosophy teacher. she was a good teacher, very smart, and she invited me to a coffee-making contest. that very night my home was invaded by alien-robot-coyotes... the details were very clear earlier in the day, but now i forget. there was great danger involved, though. yeep!

item 6: the office is back. yay! it was sorely missed. nearly forgot how brilliant rainn wilson is!

item 7: helped dan and caitlin move in to their wonderful, lovely home this afternoon, and going back tomorrow to help some more! it's wonderful, and feels like a home.

it's been so long!

sorry it's been so long, i've been so horridly busy it's impossible to keep everything going. and this is a problem, because i want to do EVERYTHING! really, have you ever seen a list of all the things i've wanted to be over the years? it's silly.

hobo

airplane pilot

explorer

horse trainer

doctor

wedding planner

research biologist

linguistics

archaologist

musician

photographer

potato/endangered plant farmer

the very last first time

my last first day of homeschool is coming up in 5 days. though i've always looked forward to this part of "it", i'm suddenly just sad. and thorougly understanding of the phrases "bittersweet" and "mixed emotion" though they are cliched i realise. i also remembered this one day of school that for some reason stuck in my head - i must have been 7 or 8, and caitlin and i were sitting in the schoolroom together, wearing our favorite dresses which were absolutely horrid (the yellow/pink ones with the upside-down tulips sketches. thank you mamadah for trying so hard to get us to relinquish them.), having an eraser war instead of doing our handwriting.

and this time next year i'll (hopefully) go trotting off to the scary world of college, no longer young enough to hypothetically apply to hogwarts or be a part of one of those 80's highschool movies. the teacher won't take pictures of us, or give us butterfly day picnics, or let us paint our faces like celts and stand on our desks yelling war-cries. but on the bright side... it will be different, it will be exciting. i am excited about new things, i am sad about old things, and they are swirling together like the whipped cream and chocolate in my drink did when my little brother stuck his finger in it just now. ew.

this year of school will be most exciting. the most exciting parts are these:

gileskirk modernity

(oh the wonders of george grant!)

spanish II

teaching company physics course

being done with math FOREVER after this fall!

(maybe not forever, but if i can help it...)

greek!

art history class this spring

the amazing literature course mamadah has planned for me

taking piano for the first time

i'm doing more than this (yeep!) but these are the really exciting parts.

this year i'm going to faithfully take pictures and blog... it seems appropriate. and its probably the best thing to do to keep myself from (horrors!) scrapbooking, which i admit myself to have always kind of wanted to do. not cheesy scrapbooking. pretty scrapbooking. maybe i will. hmm.