The right honourable Cecil and Percy recieved a letter from our friend Caitlin, asking for help. Here it is!
Dear Cecil Alexander Beatley and Percival Eugene "Percy" Worthington--
Respected Gnomes, I seek your Gnomley council on a matter of grave import. Namely, socks-- upon which subject you (in the way of your kind) are rumored to be extremely learned (pronounced with two syllables, naturally, Cecil). My dilemma is as follows: since my youth, I have struggled with ambivalent feelings toward socks. Few things trouble me more than the way, after being for a while worn, they sag and bunch up in front of one's toes. Furthermore, one's feet begin to feel inhibited and smothered after a very short while. I wish ever so much to be fond of socks, but alas; I have tried in vain.
What wisdom can you offer me, beloved Gnomes?
Sincerest Regards--
--Caitlin Elizabeth Bruce Beauchamp
ps. I find I can overcome my distaste somewhat if the socks are sufficiently attractive and jolly-- stripes and spots preferred. Do you have any recommendations for particular socks, or manufacturers of socks, that satisfy your excellent taste? Many thanks --cebb
And their response:
Dear Caitlin,
This is indeed a matter of grave import. Thankfully you have come to the right place! Gnomes are famously experts on all things concerning knit-works.
What a sad life, a sockless life! We must fix this. The basis of a good relationship with socks is not the socks themselves, but how you feel about socks - where your heart is in relation to socks. Think of them not as binding, constricting, suffocating... but as hugging, comforting, protecting. A soft little shield around your feet. Also, do not think of the crinkling as sagging, as a sock-failure... think of it as personality! Gnomes believe that socks and other crafted objects have a personality all their own. Perhaps your socks just have the personality to crinkle and fold a bit! 'Tisn't nice to judge!
Now, other than simply adjusting your sock worldview, you may also wish to take a look at the kinds of socks you have. Are they mostly athletic socks? We gnomes do not believe these to be true socks, but indeed humanized versions. The true sock begins with yarn and needles, not a machine and a bolt of premade sock fabric. Some socks we find particularly alluring in both texture and aesthetic appeal:
We have not included many argyle knit socks in this collage, mainly because we believe them to be self-explanitory. They are the basis of all good sock collections. Go out and get your self some fair-isle-knit-esque socks. This will fix quite a lot.
We hope this has helped! Feel free to write again with any further questions!
Sincerely,
Cecil Alexander Beatley and Percival Eugene Worthington
P.S. From Percy: whatever you do, DON'T buy Alpaca fur socks. They are the ugliest most horrendous socks ever. Just don't! You'd regret it!!!!!!
(A note from Beatrice: The gnomes have so enjoyed helping with this problem, they would like to offer their services for future problem solving/question answering. They will answer even the silliest of questions! If you would like to ask the gnomes anything, just leave it in the comments and I'll deliver the message.)
5 comments:
My Dearest Cecil and Percy (Cecil, though you may protest and snarl and snap, I do find you to be quite dear indeed),
As of late I have been particularly singular in my musical philanthropies (most of my contributions have gone toward, well, alternative pop -- horrors). I feel that this behavior must change immediately, oh I may be in grave danger of adapting to the mainstream culture. Any recommendation of anything even vaguely counter-culture would be most gratefully received and appreciated.
Kindest regards,
Me
I had not thought to consider that socks have personality, just like other things. One thing I do love about Gnomes is the way they insist that inanimate objects really aren't so inanimate. Thanks for your council, Gnomes. How dearly I would love to visit a true Gnomish crafter of socks!
Cecil and Percival have helped me greatly!
Cute blog. :-)
Greetings, Cecil and Percy (and Claire too, of course),
I have a question which has bothered me for quite some time. Why are homeschoolers weird?
I know this sounds weird in and of itself. After all, aren't most homeschoolers very proud of their weirdness - don't they feel wonderful when somebody remarks, "Y'all are so WEIRD"? But why are WE the weird ones? Is it because we are fewer in number than the very ordinary, never weird publicly-schooled children of our nation?
Cecil and Percy, I ask you: what makes homeschoolers weird and public-schoolers normal?
Aravis, Queen of Archenland
P.S. This may not be the kind of question you like best, seeing as you seem to specialize in inanimate objects, but I could not resist asking. For who knows? There may be gnomely wisdom in schooling as well as socks.
Post a Comment